While I was writing in my journal I started looking at my wall and realized my life is kind of like my wall right now. On hold. The frames are filled, which shows that part of my life that is set. I have a job, I have a place to live, and great friends and boyfriend. And then there are the blank canvases. I see them as my present and future. They are blank, waiting to be filled. Waiting to know what will be put on them. I feel like I am at a cross roads right now. I can go down a path that makes me bitter and hate God or one that makes me into a positive person who knows that God is there for me during this time and the rest. Right now I am happy to be in the bitter, hating God path. But I'm scared for where that leads. I was already on edge with God for a few years, but it's always been in the back of my mind, something I didn't want to deal with. But now, with everything in front of me, it makes me face those thoughts.
I'm going to stop with this post now because it's getting into those dark places that I'm sure you don't want to hear about so I will be going back to my journal, pen and paper style.
Update on Mom: She met with her doctor Wed. and he said that her cancer levels are the same from May. Which means that it's not getting any better but not worse either. But it started out pretty bad. They said BEST case scenario about a year, but this isn't the best case if her levels aren't lowering. I also don't know if they meant a year from when the cancer developed (March) or when they diagnosed it (end of May). I know they can never make exact time lines, it would be silly to do that. I just have to remind myself that six years was a miracle, so I should be happy with whatever God gives me. Right?
Side note: HOORAY FOR SEAN MOVING TO DALLAS!!! I am EXTREMELY excited about having him closer, now if Lauren, Brent and Nick would just hurry up and get to Dallas it would be perfect. ;-)
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