Wisconsin

I will be in Wisconsin until Sat. June 27 with Nick's sisters, Mom and of course Nick. I am really excited about the trip.

I had such an awful day today that I don't even have the strength to talk about it. And honestly it's so depressing that I am sure no one wants to hear about it. So I will leave it to saying that I am hoping for better days.

Another note: Tactfulness. Some people really need to learn how to use it.

Photography

My photography skills are seriously slacking. I understand that when I look at professional photographers websites they have obviously been doing this for many years and have been trained. Which makes me want to take classes!! Ahhhhhh. I find it interesting how much photography pulls at my heart. In kind of the same way teaching does. I love capturing a moment that can be remembered forever. As most of you know I have an absolutely horrible memory. This is why I love taking pictures because that is how I remember things. I hope to work on my skills to at least feel a little satisfied with my pictures.

Any tips would be great. Places I could look at or anything.

Something I have learned

This is a little silly but last night I was thinking about teaching and then that spun off to my future children which then went to some things I would do differently and some I would not change that my parents did. One thing I would change is positive reinforcement. Due to my Dad's sugar tooth, whenever we did something good or something great happened we would get dessert or go out for ice cream or something like that. This has in turn made me do this. When I did well on a test or accomplished something I would want to congratulate myself with something sugary (most likely Shake's) and hence worth am struggling with my weight (or at least what I think I should weigh). So I would change positive reinforcement. I would have them be able to pick out what movie we watch or something like that. Something I would not change is the independence they gave me and having them repeatedly let me choose what I wanted in life, sometimes those decisions ended with me being hurt but that made me grow up, and I liked that. (well some of them haha)

Anyways, just a little tid bit I was thinking about last night and thought I would share. :-)

OH! I met the teacher I am replacing today (she is going to gen ed 3rd grade) and I am VERY excited! It is going to be a little terrifying seeing as you have to restrain a student a minimum of three times a day haha. (Restraint means that you pretty much hold a child down on the ground until they calm down.. of course they give us training but it's pretty much tackling them on the ground hahah.) I feel a little better knowing what I am getting into now. :-) Although, of course I am still terrified haha, but that's normal right??

Ok well this short post is turning into much longer than it was supposed to (go figure with me right?). I hope you are having a wonderful day!!

The Song of My Life

The song "Lessons Learned" by Carrie Underwood is my theme song for college. Here are they lyrics if you haven't heard it:

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

[Chorus:]
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.

I love this song because it says everything that I have always thought. Things happen for a reason, we get through them and hopefully if we have been able to get through it it will make us stronger and better people. Although at some points in my life I just want to shake my fist at God and say "I'm strong enough move on to someone else!" But somehow I always get through it and I think that each of the events have made me a better person. I also feel that these events have helped other people as well. One example is with working with Chrysalis I have been able to see that by going through these things I am able to help younger people learn that they can make it through anything (and hopefully some of this will rub off on my students haha).

I had a WONDERFUL anniversary with my love! We had a lazy day and watch the first two Terminator movies, ate sushi, and then watched Yes Man! All in all fabulous day! ANNNDDD he made me the SWEETEST card EVER!!! He also got me tickets to a musical! So the Anniversary will keep on going when we go see a musical! Yay!

My mom got her port put in today. (A port is something they put in your chest to pump the chemo in that way so that they don't have to stick you with a needle every time.) Everything went great and she is resting right now. The next chemo treatment is Thursday.

ALLLSSOOOO I got a call from my principal today and I have the K-3 kids!!! Which is what I wanted!!! HOORAY!!!!! VERY excited about that! ANNNDDD I am meeting with the teacher who's job I am taking (she is just moving to a different position in the school because she wants something a little less crazy haha, so that is also a bonus because then I will be able to have her for a reference all year!) tomorrow morning so that I can ask her questions and she can show me around the school and I get to see my classroom!!! This makes me really excited because then I can start researching for my classroom (since I'll get a better look at what my classroom will consist of) and I can start making decorations- which are kind of tedious so it will be good to get them done before the two weeks before school starts. I am crazy excited because now I will have a better idea of what I got myself into ;-)

The Hope Particle

Today we went to the pancreatic specialist, Dr. Straus. This was my mom's doctor before when she went through this before. It felt better going there, my parents felt more comfortable because they know everyone. She is going to start chemo tomorrow. This chemo is supposed to be new but the people who have taken it have had less side effects, so that's good.

There was more family drama. Sophia called and she got into a fight with Dad because she doesn't want Mom to be doing chemo because that means that she will be in pain in the last months or year of her life. I understand what she is saying, but it's like the doctors at Southwestern and also Sophia, are just beating the hope out of us. I know that this is bad. I know that. But when she came out of surgery the first time six years ago they said she only had 3-6 months to live. And as I've said, it's been six years. The hope came for me when the doctor said he has never seen this before. He has never seen pancreatic cancer lay dormant for five years and then come back. I know that it's everywhere and that makes it harder. But I don't see the problem in having some hope, instead of preparing for heaven knows how long for death. Why not have hope until the very end? Until that moment where they have to say they can't do anything for us? I have decided to have hope. Because I don't think I can go through each day thinking that there is nothing we can do. I will deal with it when it comes.

Nick and I's One Year Anniversary is on Thursday. :-) This really has been an amazing year. He has taught me how to be a better person, to learn when I am wrong and to stick to something when I am right. I have never known this kind of love and I hope it never goes away. He is my rock and I am learning to lean on him when I need someone. I love you my handsome man and I can't wait to see you. :-)

I have been researching apartments this week. I have planned on moving into my own place next summer. That means I can spend time with the family and save a large amount of my income so that I can have a cushion on my own. Plus, there is that Europe trip I have been wanting to go on. :-) The area I am looking at is Preston Rd. between 190 and Arapaho. This is near Addison and it's near all the fam and only around a 20 min. commute to the job. Sounds great to me :-)

Please keep the prayers coming and I hope you are doing well.