The Hope Particle

Today we went to the pancreatic specialist, Dr. Straus. This was my mom's doctor before when she went through this before. It felt better going there, my parents felt more comfortable because they know everyone. She is going to start chemo tomorrow. This chemo is supposed to be new but the people who have taken it have had less side effects, so that's good.

There was more family drama. Sophia called and she got into a fight with Dad because she doesn't want Mom to be doing chemo because that means that she will be in pain in the last months or year of her life. I understand what she is saying, but it's like the doctors at Southwestern and also Sophia, are just beating the hope out of us. I know that this is bad. I know that. But when she came out of surgery the first time six years ago they said she only had 3-6 months to live. And as I've said, it's been six years. The hope came for me when the doctor said he has never seen this before. He has never seen pancreatic cancer lay dormant for five years and then come back. I know that it's everywhere and that makes it harder. But I don't see the problem in having some hope, instead of preparing for heaven knows how long for death. Why not have hope until the very end? Until that moment where they have to say they can't do anything for us? I have decided to have hope. Because I don't think I can go through each day thinking that there is nothing we can do. I will deal with it when it comes.

Nick and I's One Year Anniversary is on Thursday. :-) This really has been an amazing year. He has taught me how to be a better person, to learn when I am wrong and to stick to something when I am right. I have never known this kind of love and I hope it never goes away. He is my rock and I am learning to lean on him when I need someone. I love you my handsome man and I can't wait to see you. :-)

I have been researching apartments this week. I have planned on moving into my own place next summer. That means I can spend time with the family and save a large amount of my income so that I can have a cushion on my own. Plus, there is that Europe trip I have been wanting to go on. :-) The area I am looking at is Preston Rd. between 190 and Arapaho. This is near Addison and it's near all the fam and only around a 20 min. commute to the job. Sounds great to me :-)

Please keep the prayers coming and I hope you are doing well.